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10 tips to become a master hater

02/01/13

silkyjohnson

via mental floss:

In the 1930s, William B. Pettus, the president of the College of Chinese Studies in Beijing, came across a strange little Chinese essay. It began by arguing that, “having a desire to revile, should you persistently restrain it you will sooner or later develop some malady or infirmity. Therefore, having this desire, it is right to give it vent, and there is no harm in so doing.”

However, the essay continued, most people lacked the skill that great reviling required. What followed was a list of tips and techniques for becoming a master reviler, “one who enjoys reviling and meets with no rebuff.”

at its worst, you might view the tips below as a how-to on being a more effective jerk.  in a more positive light, this will help you become more adept at spotting & handling the ploys of the “master revilers”/haters/internet trolls in your life.  either way though, the essay’s author had some satirical leanings so don’t miss the humor in this.  also, share any of your own “reviling suggestions” in the comments:

1. YOU MUST KNOW YOURSELF AND KNOW YOUR MAN.

“If another person has shortcomings, and you yourself are guilty of the same, in reviling him it is well to avoid mention of these.”

2. DO NOT REVILE THOSE WHO ARE YOUR INFERIORS.

“You should select a person at least slightly superior to yourself…as soon as he replies…this brings you on a parity with him, as one pays no heed to inferiors…If, on the contrary, you revile a person of no reputation, the more you revile, the more pleased he is. The rule is that by reviling a man of no reputation you create one for him. Is this not a distressing sequence?”

3. IN REVILING, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND THERE ONE SHOULD STOP.

“When you are reviling a man of standing and he has replied, this is the place to stop. Should you continue you cannot carry the bystanders with you.”

4. USE THE METHOD OF INDIRECT ATTACK.

“The more severely you wish to revile one, the more important is it to begin with expressions of pity & appreciation & even of respect and regret…the listeners feel that you are only speaking the truth and regard you as a person of poise & dignity.”

5. PRESERVE A PLACID EXTERIOR.

“In ordinary street reviling the crowd regards the one whose voice is the louder and demeanor the fiercer as being in the right. But one who can truly revile is able to conceal his weapon until his antagonist’s is wearied…when all energy is expended, he can retort in a few words, every one of which will draw blood.”

6. IN REVILING USE CHASTE AND ELEGANT LANGUAGE.

“Prevent your antagonist from perceiving, at first, that he is being reviled…the more polite your expressions the sharper will be the sting. It is a good rule in reviling to incorporate in your retorts favorite expressions of your antagonist.”

7. CONQUER BY RETREATING.

“When about to revile and you remember that you yourself have shortcomings, it is wise at the start boldly to acknowledge these in a thorough manner…You must bring yourself down to the humblest position. This prevents your opponent’s bringing you down to a lower level.”

8. LAY A TRAP FOR YOUR ADVERSARY.

“One experienced in reviling carefully notes his antagonist’s every expression for those which can be returned with telling effect…by dropping an insignificant expression he will grasp at it and shoot his arrow…show him that it has lodged in a sandbank and that no injury results.”

9. MAKE MUCH OF LITTLE.

“If a person deserves reviling, but the offense is of minor significance & scarcely worthy of reprimand…lead him into deeper water. Point by point use correct logic and endeavor to lead him to make illogical statements…When this is accomplished you can turn & severely revile him.”

10. MAKE WAR ON THAT WHICH IS NEAR AND CULTIVATE FRIENDSHIP FOR THAT WHICH IS REMOTE.

“At one time revile only one person, or, if need be, only one class of men, or you will have too many adversaries. Attack your opponent, but do not involve the listener. If it is absolutely necessary to include a large number of persons, under these circumstances you should declare that in so doing you have the interest of all at heart. If you fail in this you will have an avalanche of reviling descend upon you which will be troublesome to withstand.”

related: imagine getting this in the mail

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presidential debate schedule & format

08/23/12 3 Comments

via 2012 election central.  it’d be cool if the format matched the last episode of the newsroom but oh well.  as the magazine cover asks, who do you think will win the debates?

October 3, 2012
Obama/Romney
Topic: Domestic policy
Air Time: 9:00-10:30 p.m. Eastern Time
Location: University of Denver in Denver, Colorado
Sponsor: Commission on Presidential Debates
Participants: President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney
Moderator: Jim Lehrer (Host of NewsHour on PBS)
The debate will focus on domestic policy and be divided into six time segments of approximately 15 minutes each on topics to be selected by the moderator and announced several weeks before the debate.The moderator will open each segment with a question, after which each candidate will have two minutes to respond. The moderator will use the balance of the time in the segment for a discussion of the topic.
October 11, 2012
Vice Presidential
Joe Biden and Paul Ryan
Topic: Foreign and domestic policy
Air Time: 9:00-10:30 p.m. Eastern Time
Location: Centre College in Danville, Kentucky
Sponsor: Commission on Presidential Debates
Participants: Vice President Joe Biden and Congressman Paul Ryan
Moderator: Martha Raddatz (ABC News Chief Foreign Correspondent)
The debate will cover both foreign and domestic topics and be divided into nine time segments of approximately 10 minutes each. The moderator will ask an opening question, after which each candidate will have two minutes to respond. The moderator will use the balance of the time in the segment for a discussion of the question.
October 16, 2012
Obama/Romney
Topic: Town meeting format including foreign and domestic policy
Air Time: 9:00-10:30 p.m. Eastern Time
Location: Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York
Sponsor: Commission on Presidential Debates
Participants: President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney
Moderator: Candy Crowley (CNN Chief Political Correspondent)
The second presidential debate will take the form of a town meeting, in which citizens will ask questions of the candidates on foreign and domestic issues. Candidates each will have two minutes to respond, and an additional minute for the moderator to facilitate a discussion. The town meeting participants will be undecided voters selected by the Gallup Organization.
October 22, 2012
Obama/Romney
Topic: Foreign policy
Air Time: 9:00-10:30 p.m. Eastern Time
Location: Lynn University in Boca Raton, Florida
Sponsor: Commission on Presidential Debates
Participants: President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney
Moderator: Bob Schieffer (Host of Face the Nation on CBS)
The format for the debate will be identical to the first presidential debate and will focus on foreign policy.

the case of the heroic villain

09/15/11 3 Comments

the scene reads like a bad steven seagal movie:

In Benton Township, Michigan, two armed robbers wearing masks burst into a near-deserted Walgreens at 4:30 a.m. To pharmacist Jeremy Hoven, it was a prescription for trouble. So he filled it with hot lead.

however, an interesting moral and legal dilemma has emerged out of this real-life drama.   just a few days after hoven thwarted the robbery, walgreens fired the local hero for violating its “non-escalation policy” and its ban on firearms. hoven later responded with a wrongful termination lawsuit.  check out this good morning america report for security footage from the day in question.

i’m siding with walgreens on this one.  i support and appreciate the hoven’s actions in the moment, but i can’t cosign him having a gun there in the first place.  his “i didn’t know that guns weren’t allowed at the pharmacy” defense is ridiculous (not a commonplace thing but if he still had any doubts, he should’ve asked management before bringing a loaded weapon on the premises).  for some good pr, walgreens could have toss him a healthy severance package reward for saving the day, but the man deserved to be fired.

what do you think?

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