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atomic lemon drops #1: a poem called lauryn

07/22/12 ,

kicking off atomic lemon drops with the winner of the facebook vote, “a poem called lauryn.”  read the poem over a few times and send me your comments and questions.  i’ll collect everything (including my responses) in the poem’s background page (link below).  again, a big part of this series is discussing the poem and reading/writing poetry in general so share what comes to your mind.

A Poem Called Lauryn

She said her picture cost a thousand words
and I was broke.

Scrounged around
found two copper heads
slinking through seat cushions.
For my sense, high heels revealed
a couple feet.

I tunes to a muse,
hands groove thelonious
miles over Lauryn’s hills.
Peaks and valleys,
cheap thrills.

But we wanted more.
Don’t just trace the surface.
Get at the core.
The issues with Our Fathers,
orphaned emotions needing a home,
fears of commitment and
When you see me naked,
will you still think I’m pretty?

It weighed on my mind,
really weighed on my mind
and we couldn’t find peace
’til I gave her a piece of mine

like Adam waking to Eve the very first time,
finally seeing her on my sheets,
I felt complete.

Background on “A Poem Called Lauryn”

click here for more atomic lemon drops.

© Carlton Williams Jr. and atolemdro, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this poem without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carlton Williams Jr. and atolemdro with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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comments

Talk to me about your use of italics in this beautiful poem. I’m hearing this has something to do with your relationship to music and the investment one makes in being an active and accommodating listener in general.

I’m looking forward to the discussion of this piece and to the next one as well. From New Brunswick, Canada. – José

José

07/22/12

hey thanks for asking. i put my response in the poem’s background page. http://wp.me/P1e33K-1Z1

hope you’re enjoying the other new brunswick.

note

07/22/12

This poem is thought provoking and very well written. Seems like a personification of your stream of consciousness. You artfully walk us through how you produced this very product. Beginning with a lack of words or not enough apt words to illustrate your idea–> finding alluring, yet superficial content –>reaching a groove in the process, but still longing for substance/quality (the poem itself speaking to you)–>concerns with vulnerability reflected in the piece–> and eventually just letting go…and arriving at a resonant message……stark, naked, simple, but with great potential to impinge on the mind. Lovely…..

Kafayat

07/23/12

thanks ma’am

note

07/24/12

I wanted to write my questions in separate post:

1. Can you talk about your use of the word “copperheads” and “slinking”…..in my mind you conjured up an image of snakes, but I want to know what your intentions were in deliberately choosing those terms.
2. “I tunes to a muse” can be read in several different ways: (1) I (myself) tunes (incorrect grammer, but) to a muse (2) I tunes to amuse (3) itunes to amuse (4) itunes to a muse etc etc. I read it the third way, but would love to hear your thoughts on the “proper” reading
3. Can you speak generally about the narration and your choice of pronouns? For instance “…WE wanted more”, but “…I gave her a piece of mine”. You switch from collaborative to individualized are you suggesting something here? What does this mean?

Kafayat

07/23/12

posted my responses in the background page:
https://atolemdro.com/ald1background-lauryn/

note

07/24/12

I read the poem aloud to myself twice to let it sink in and to let the words resonate. What speaks to me here is the idea that there is something inherently erotic about creation, and I use “erotic” rather that “sensual” because throughout there is a sense of anticipation — of pending domination but also communion. The “broke” “I” is willing to “scrounge around” in an attempt to put together enough currency; the hands “groove” over hills, they trace but should do more — ever reaching. Will the “I” get what it’s after? Does it even know what it wants (that a picture was the first goal says something about the visible vs. the invisible). I see a tension between the surface and depth — what can be perceived, touched, traced (the cheap thrill, which provides no real satisfaction) versus getting “at the core,” “needing a home.” The peace/piece of my mind in the fifth stanza made me think back to the copper heads (which I read as pennies), so I could almost hear coins jingling. Currency is only valuable if we believe it can get us something we want. Which reminds me, your use of “cost” instead of “worth” in the first stanza got me thinking about value vs. putting a price on something… what it means to do that… With the Adam and Eve of the final stanza I thought of her being made from his rib (an inner part of himself). She is his partner, yet someone who he will ultimately be unable to control (kinda like this poem, now out of your hands, speaks to each of its readers in its own way). I read your commentary and I like the play on man/woman, writer/poem. If I were teaching this poem I would ask my students how they felt about the gendering — Lauren’s body standing in for the poem as something to touch and reach for, while the male “I” gives his mind, but what about his body? His nakedness? His vulnerability? Very rich poem. Good stuff.

Carolyn

07/24/12

thanks carolyn. again, reactions in the background page.
http://wp.me/P1e33K-1Z1

note

07/25/12

5 notes

  1. atomic lemon drops #6: barbershop | atolemdro reblogged this and added:

    […] previously in atomic lemon drops: grim reaper | dear leader | weekend in jamaica | rehearsal for “when doors slam shut| a poem called lauryn […]

  2. atomic lemon drops #7: a confusing two minutes and four seconds | atolemdro reblogged this and added:

    […] previously in atomic lemon drops: barbershop | grim reaper | dear leader | weekend in jamaica | rehearsal for “when doors slam shut” | a poem called lauryn […]

  3. atomic lemon drops #7: a confusing two minutes and four seconds | atolemdro reblogged this and added:

    […] previously in atomic lemon drops: barbershop | grim reaper | dear leader | weekend in jamaica | rehearsal for “when doors slam shut” | a poem called lauryn […]

  4. atomic lemon drops #8: package for my teacher | atolemdro reblogged this and added:

    […] previously in atomic lemon drops: a confusing two minutes and four seconds | barbershop | grim reaper | dear leader | weekend in jamaica | rehearsal for “when doors slam shut” | a poem called lauryn […]

  5. atomic lemon drops #9: blue roses pt. II | atolemdro reblogged this and added:

    […] previously in atomic lemon drops: package for my teacher | a confusing two minutes and four seconds | barbershop | grim reaper | dear leader | weekend in jamaica | rehearsal for “when doors slam shut” | a poem called lauryn […]

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